I remember when my miscarriage happened. There was an anguish in my heart that I just couldn’t describe. It tore me from the inside and left an immeasurable vacancy in my body and soul. I spent all day in bed, my dishes never got washed, I stared blankly at my bedroom walls for hours; Drained and bone-weary from my loss.
Every year it gets a little bit easier and cuts a little less deeper but every year it still stings when a friend or a family member posts a fake pregnancy announcement on Facebook.
A part of me wishes I could just let it go and take the joke but an even bigger part of me wishes I wouldn’t have to be reminded of my fertility problems on a day that’s supposed to be full of humour and amusement.
I spent the first year after my loss, trying to find the strength to be genuinely happy for my friends very real pregnancy announcements. Trying not to feel heartsick when I held their tiny babies in my arms, wishing I could have held my own baby. Trying not to break down in the supermarket whenever I passed a mother with her infant. Knowing that even though those feelings were not irrational, they were feelings that would fade in time. Feelings that were mine to feel.
Luckily, those feelings are not as arresting as they once were. I feel none of the bitterness that left me stricken with guilt. I’m even partially okay with the fact that I may never have my own babies, life doesn’t always give you exactly what you want..
But I still can’t, no matter how hard I try, find the April Fool’s pregnancy announcement funny.
It still hurts.
Sorry Gwen Stefani, but I just think this joke sucks. While you may disagree with me, call me overly sensitive, or accuse me of being the PC police… it looks like a lot of women feel the same way I do. So next year can we just please come up with something a little more original and a little less tacky?