Back when I was an anxious teenager, I didn’t have many friends and it was rather shit. I’d spend most evenings in my room, on my own, listening to heavy metal and wishing I could just talk to someone, ANYONE.
I was desperate to be liked, so much that I tried really hard to fit in but to be honest with you, it was bloody embarrassing. I tried listening to Clubland and wearing sporty tracksuits with hoop earrings (can you tell I was a British teenager?) and it just didn’t make me happy nor did it make me any more liked, in fact I was just as bullied trying to fit in, as I was while being myself. So I vowed to be who I wanted to be, by stepping into gothdom, wearing crushed velvet, chains and those massive baggy black jeans, listening to Mushroomhead and embracing my creative hobbies. I managed to make a few friends that accepted me for who I was and didn’t need me to be anything else.
Fast forward to now, I’m a Mum of twins and my friendships have been rather difficult to maintain. I don’t see people as much as I’d like to and I find it hard not to feel left out because it’s difficult doing things with twins in tow. I’ve started pushing myself out of my comfort zone though and have taken my boys to some baby groups, joined an app to meet other local Mums, shit like that.
Except, I’m not a mumsy Mum. I’m not the nursery rhyme singing – baby yoga – sling wearing – earthy Mum that I thought I would end up being. I’m the Mum with tattoos, who sings metal songs to her babies and doesn’t know a single nursery rhyme. In fact, those singing circles at Mum and baby groups make me cringe and how come Dads are never included?
So for a while I’d been trying to make new Mum friends and realised that maybe not everyone is going to like me or my parenting style and maybe I’m not going to fit in with every crowd at baby groups. BUT THAT’S OKAY GUYS because you don’t find your tribe by trying to fit in. You find your tribe by being your amazing, weird, bad-ass self and attracting people who are like minded.
I don’t need to be everybody’s cup of tea because not everyone is MY cup of tea. I respect and get along with everyone but that doesn’t mean I’d want to sit and talk to just anyone for hours or have play dates with them or invest time in a friendship with them.
Just think about it, do you like every single person out there? Would you want to spend time with every single person? Doubtful. Life is too short to hang out with people you can’t feel like yourself around.
If you’re struggling to fit in, then don’t. There are so many different, unique and wonderful personalities out there, you don’t need to fit into any mould. You are brilliant the way you are and you will find your people by embracing that!
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