One of my biggest pet peeves is when social anxiety is often mixed up with introversion in trendy articles written about it. Especially the GIF centric lists like “Only someone with social anxiety would understand…” or “These memes/GIFs describe social anxiety perfectly”, that pretty much only describe introversion.
Social anxiety is not introversion. Can we please stop labelling it as that?
Introversion is a personality type, Social Anxiety Disorder is a mental illness. There’s a MASSIVE difference and not everyone with social anxiety is an introvert, while not all introverts have social anxiety.
I know this because I’m an extrovert. Always have been and always will be. I love the company of others, I love parties, gigs, social gatherings and the atmosphere of a crowded cinema. I enjoy being the loudest person in the room, the leader and the person who organises and hosts everything.
The years in which I couldn’t do any of those things were not because of choice, or my personality or because I prefer the quiet life – It was because social anxiety was holding me back and stopping me from being who I was! THAT is the difference; I wasn’t happy living my life of quietness and missing out on parties, I desperately wanted to go to all the parties.
Social anxiety is the fear of being judged or looking stupid, it is something that holds you back and with it comes physical symptoms that make you feel like a bag of shit. Introversion is your personality and not going to the parties because you simply don’t want to.
I had for years believed that I was just shy and introverted because that’s what people told me and attributed my social anxiety to but it was so false. When the treatment for my anxiety started working and the more I was able to do, I realised how I wasn’t shy or introverted at all. I still have to recharge my batteries and spend time alone sometimes because battling social anxiety to be the person you want to be is hard work and exhausting.
Having social anxiety but wanting to be around people all the time is a constant battle that I have to fight with myself on a daily basis.
Are you an introvert or extrovert with social anxiety?
Hi anxious Lass
I am a fellow sufferer of social anxiety, generalised anxiety and depression.
My story started when i was 19 and has continued. I am 26 now and still living with anxiety. Before anxiety came into my life I was a confident, intelligent, sociable person with good self esteem and a happy life.
Anxiety came into my life without any reason and broke my world apart.
It has held me back for years, stopped me from doing the things I want to do and being myself.
I dont really feel like anyone understands my condition, including myself. I have been on anti depressants, taken part in CBT twice and seen counsellors, private and nhs provided.
This is the first time I have reached out online for support or guidance
I dont know what I want from this post or even expect anything, I guess I just want to know i can get back to being myself and that others understand how crippling it can be,
I recently went through a huge relapse, which meant I had to leave the degree I desperately wanted to do – Adult Nursing. I had to go back onto my anti depressants and im only now beginning to feel a little like myself and want to live
I feel angry, upset, frustrated that this has happened to me and still do not understand why.
Ive had to start my life all over again, as I have the four other times anxiety and depression took hold. When i relapse i lose the ability to function. I cant work, socialise, or leave the house. Its exhausting putting your life back together again after an episiode. I worry I will never go back to the person I was pre anxiety.
I was an A grade student at school with hopes and ambition, and now I have nothing.
I guess what I want back from this post is to just be told that im not alone in my experience, that someone understands and maybe has had a similar experience
Best wishes
A fellow social anxious extrovert
Hi Megan, I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this! I truly understand your anger and frustration, anxiety absolutely takes over everything and can steal so much of your life away. You are certainly not alone and don’t give up on trying things either, it took me 9 years of several different therapists, medications and techniques to find out what really worked best for me and from there it took another couple of years to fully feel like anxiety had lost all of it’s control over me. It’s hard, it’s an uphill battle for the most part but it CAN get better. I hope it does for you <3 xx
HI, what do you do to accept that you have social anxiety as an extrovert? Do you tell people, act yourself/ but make social anxiety and similar symptoms apart of who you are?
I think everyone is different but I have never really accepted social anxiety as who I am, just something I have that I can work on. My extroversion is my personality and social anxiety is just an illness that I’ve treated and have to manage on a regular basis. The more I work on the social anxiety, the easier it is to act myself and let my extroversion shine through.
I did struggle with telling people for years though, but now that there’s more awareness and more people are talking about it, I find it’s not as difficult to talk about it.
Hello!
I don’t usually make comments online but I had to make this one…
I have been dealing with social anxiety since I was 17 (I’m 20 now) and this is the very first time I read something that hit me so hard by describing EXACTLY how I felt this whole time and didn’t even know.
A MILLION thoughts had come through my mind while trying to understand why this had happened to me. I tried to fight against it with ALL my strength but it always seemed useless. I forced a ‘truth’ about my personality trait, spilled by therapits saying that what I was feeling wasn’t normal. For them, it wasn’t okay going from an extrovert and outgoing kid to a person that was no longer able to handle social situations. But what I understand now is that that is NOT a part of me, but simply a CURRENT condition.
I have been on medication for 2 years now and it gave me so much more confident to go through basic daily situations that I wasn’t able to do before. I’m also on therapy to keep up on understand what having social anxiety means. I tried to avoid getting to know it better because honestly I was afraid of the ideia of being sick. I’m working on that so I can get to know myself better.
Since I started with the medication, the BEST part for me is that now I don’t have to avoid social situations anymore – at least not all of them – and that makes me so happy! Also, I don’t have to deal with the horrible symptoms that would come with it.
I’m so happy to read this post and see that I am not alone in this fight. Thank you so much for sharing this and helping me expand my perspective on myself.
Greats from Brazil!
Thanks for this. Honestly, my social anxiety isn’t as intense as some here. Actually, it used to be. . . much, much worse but never in a “I can’t get out of my house,” way and more like “I won’t talk to people when going outside” way. Still, I want it to be better, because I have a lot of activism dreams that require a lot more socializing than my casual comfort with social media rather than the world outside, so I guess. . . I’m still lurking around the social anxiety community, I guess? I’m not quite sure I can do it, but I guess I’ll try my best?
I’m no extrovert, but I guess I just wanted to say. . . that I’m very fascinated by studying personality typing, and some people say no one can be entirely summed up by a personality type, but it’s not meant to be used to stereotype. It’s just a rough estimate that’s meant as a useful guide, not a perfect thing. It’s just one way to describe yourself just as you can use about every type of description to describe yourself. It’s just an aid to increase your vocabulary around it, really.
If anyone here wants to learn about what an introvert vs extrovert really is other than the stereotype of being shy vs socially confident, I suggest the websites Introvert Dear and Quiet Revolution. Also search online stuff like, “strengths of introverts,” or “the brains of introverts,” to learn more about it. There also is a surprisingly large list of introversion related books, other than Susan Cain’s famous book of psychology studies on introversion “Quiet”. That is, introversion books for general advice, enjoying parties, making friends, dating, or even leadership and career skills, in a way that uses your strengths rather than be something you’re not.
I also like the websites Personality Hacker and Personality Junkie for a much more in depth study of personalities in general,
I have these dreams of walking up a stage and talking in front of hundreds or even thousands of people for all these types of topics with my own research, but the idea of doing that outside the internet makes me faint. For now, I think if I master exposure to “internet public speaking,” maybe I’ll get there. Doesn’t make me feel like throwing up or shaking, but it does really give me a lot of the jitters and anxious thoughts. It feels the more I express myself online, the easier it is outside of that. It’s like. . . if I learn to express myself in writing in journals or on the internet, expressing myself through talking is easier. . . because my thoughts are so much more organized then.