It’s about thirty-nine minutes past seven in the evening. That little patch of hair under my jawline has already started growing back from my shave just three hours earlier and it’s obvious. Luckily today I’m in bed with my photography magazines, watching Orange Is The New Black and contemplating which takeaway me and the boyfriend are going to treat ourselves to soon. It doesn’t matter that my patch of hair is growing back, or that the hair on my head that I actually DO want is falling out. It doesn’t matter that my stomach hurts or that I feel nauseous again. It doesn’t matter because I’m safe in my little duvet cocoon and I know that nobody out there in the real world will see me today.
The last 18 months have been difficult. My symptoms have progressed so far that I can barely recognise myself anymore. Several rounds of prescribed steroids for my lungs mixed with my PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) have left me 3 stone heavier than my usual weight, with hormonal acne breakouts – the kind I had when I was 16 – and the mighty dreaded Hirsutism. Ovulation hurts like hell, my periods are so heavy and painful that I can’t stand up and I’m drastically low in energy.
No fucking wonder anxiety is one of the many PCOS symptoms – who wouldn’t feel anxious when their body changes dramatically and there’s no cure?!
So how does one deal with their Social Anxiety when they have PCOS? I mean, let’s face it, I’ve worked too damn hard to overcome most of my anxiety only to have it revert back due to this horrible syndrome. It’s already stolen enough of my life.
I don’t have the answer just yet. All I have right now is a feeling – that this is just another journey that I have to take and how I carry myself through it will define me as a person. You can be sure as shit that I will fight this syndrome with as much stubbornness and tenacity as I did with my Social Anxiety.
Are you with me?