For at least 18 months now, the icy grip of anxiety has managed not to rear it’s ugly head in my direction, at least not on a major level. To me, that seemed like an impossible dream just a few years ago. The idea that eventually I’d be able to live my life like a normal person and make it through an entire day without a panic attack didn’t seem reasonable.
I made that happen however, through an incredible sum of hard work.
It’s been much easier for me this year. Going to work, making new friends, doing mundane day to day things that anxiety once made inaccessible to me; It’s been a wonderful experience. Anxiety is still part of me, it just doesn’t have a hold over me anymore and I know that as long as I work hard, it never will again.
This month I’ll be speaking public for the first time. A 2 hour presentation about my work in front of 50-70 people.
I’m scared! Actually, I’m petrified.
I can feel my anxiety just sitting there in mind waiting to grip me tight with it’s glacial hands. Every time my anxiety tells me I can’t enjoy anything until I’ve given this presentation, I find it within myself to give it a virtual beat down. Every time it tells me that I’ll freeze and my words won’t come out and nobody in the room will find me interesting, I have to tell it to shut the FUCK up.
My anxiety is a bully that I won’t let win, not again. I can and WILL give this presentation. I will do it well and I will actually let myself enjoy it. And once it’s over, I’ll give myself a huge pat on the back and await my next challenge.
To be Continued….