Dear High School Bullies (aka Total Utter Smegheads)
It’s been nearly 13 years since I dropped out of school because of you. Tormenting me became so habitual for you that I couldn’t make it through a single class, or even through the hallway without being told I was “ugly” a “stupid goth” a “fat bitch” a “dog”, or being pushed into a wall, or having things thrown at me.
Putting chewing gum in my hair and attempting to set it on fire was fun for you. Do you remember the unwrapped condom you put in my hair during science? Â Every single pair of eyes in that room were on me, the kids laughing so hard.. I definitely didn’t forget.
How about the time a few of you dared one your group to grab my ass and when he did, you gave him £2 for being a good sport.. because who in their right mind would want to touch the disgusting class geek, right?
Or how about when you all took my glasses off my face and threw them on the concrete so I’d need to use Sellotape to fix them, then you all made fun of me for having Sellotape on my glasses for a year. Or when you took my inhaler out of my hands, throwing it to each other so I couldn’t breathe.
Maybe you remember using me as a punching bag? Or waiting for me outside the school gates so you could throw eggs at me? Or putting cigarettes out on me in the school toilets.
Perhaps none of you will remember at all because it wasn’t your life almost ruined. It wasn’t my words that cut your heart in half. It wasn’t me that made your anxiety unbearable and made you feel like suicide was the only option. No. It was you that did that to me.
Still to this day the things you all made me suffer makes me sick when I remember them, not just because it was an extremely difficult time but because it was just a fraction of the bullying in my life that I received and when you hear so many times from different people in different times of your life that you’re not good enough.. you start to fucking believe it.
But do I hate you all for that? … No.
Happy, confident people don’t bully or belittle other people. [tweetthis remove_hidden_hashtags=”true”]Happy, confident people don’t bully or belittle other people.[/tweetthis]
They don’t need to tear anyone else down to make themselves feel better. So if you could treat me that horribly, there must have been a reason. Maybe it was low self esteem, maybe you figured if you didn’t bully me then you’d be the one bullied or perhaps you were going through some other serious shit during a very confusing time and I was an easy target.
I know a lot of you have grown up to be much nicer people, even started families. So I beg you to teach your kids not to be dicks to other kids in high school. Teach them to be compassionate and thoughtful, everything that you weren’t in school.
And know that I forgive you because I spent the last 13 years trying to prove the people like you in my life wrong. I now have my own business, an amazing loving relationship and a fabulous group of friends – things you always made me believe I’d never be good enough for but I guess you were just full of shit 🙂
Regards,
Kel xx
       (Me when I was a teenager)
God this made me cry Kel. I’m so glad you have been able to grow past this and become the happy, strong and amazing woman that you are xx
<3 Thank you lovely! That means a lot!
My heart hurt reading this. It reminds me of my secondary school experience. Although school lasted for 7 years, the way bullying changed my life lasted way longer; 15 years later I still have a hard time whenever I’m near groups of teen girls (trigger moments, I guess). I go out of my way to avoid being near large groups of teens because of the groups of girls that made my life a living hell for reasons I still don’t know.
I tend to have dreams often where I am asking girls why they did the things they did to me. I guess it’s all still there in my subconscious, and still hurts.
I am happy that you’re now in a great place in life & in a loving relationship. Relationships have been a toughie for me because of bullying in sec school into uni. I have a hard time believing that a guy likes me for me and doesn’t have ulterior motives or secretly talks bad about me.
Hope I get to the point you’re now at, one day.
Thank you for writing this post.
I’m sorry to hear about your experience, I wouldn’t wish bullying on anyone. I’m completely with you on having it affect your life way past school years too, it’s something you carry around with you for a long time. I must admit, that sometimes I need gentle reassurance in my relationship because I also, like you, fear that it’s not genuine but those feelings are more fleeting these days than they used to be but it doesn’t help having had abusive relationships in the past either. I hope you find someone you can trust enough to give your heart to, it seems a shame to let the nasty people from your past dampen your life experiences <3
Thank you!
This post gave me chills. It reminds me so much of what I went through. I dropped out of school after my counselor convinced my parents that what I was going through at school was too much. It caused me major anxiety and depression, low self-esteem, etc. It’s only been 5 years since I’ve been out of school and it still affects my life and I have trouble talking about it.
I don’t think most people understand how horrible teenagers can be to one another. Whenever bullying comes up in a convo everyone says stuff like “I got made fun of sometimes too but I’m fine” and they don’t understand some of us literally go through hell and teachers do nothing to help it. The biggest thing I want to teach my kids is that it’s not okay to treat people the way people like you and I were treated. There’s never a reason to be so mean to someone.
I’m sorry you had to go through what you went through but in a way it made you who you are today and you’re a wonderful person. <3 I hope I can get to the point you're at someday and prove to myself that those people were wrong about me.
Hey Tami
Awww I want to give you a big hug <3 I know exactly what you mean when people brush it off because they got made fun of sometimes. There's a huge different but everyone also processes things in their own way. I can completely understand why it still affects you but I'm confident that it will get easier, it just takes time, a lot of self love and surrounding yourself with better people in your life. You have to show yourself more than anyone, that those bullies were wrong 🙂
I'm glad you want to teach your kids to treat people with kindness. I'm pregnant with twins now and I know when they get older and go to school, I'll be teaching them how to be kind and compassionate to other kids.
Kel, all I want to say, as a once bullied geeky goth girl, who is a grown woman now, I am super proud of you! Congrats for who you are today, and for writing this article.
I was bullied, I even changed high-schools, because I would not take their shit anymore. Even some the teachers bullied me, for no reason.
After I moved to the new school, I was shocked. I was accepted for who I was and I finally felt at home. Yes, there were a few talks here and there, but I finally revealed my true self, and earned respect. All without becoming a bully myself so I could be “the cool kid”.
For now, I’m happy to be at the start of my new business and to have found the love of my life. As for my bullies, I sure hope their kid does not grow up to be in our shoes, or theirs….
Hi Maya, thank you for sharing <3 I'm glad you managed to find a school that you could be yourself in and that you found your voice!
This post is upsetting and uplifting at the same time. I’m really sad that you and other shave gone through these things. But I feel better for not being alone. I stopped attending school at 13/14. School guidance, the police and social work got involved. Finally when I was 15 my doctor signed me off school. The effects of those years still torture me 14 years later. In the past 2 years I have detached so much better from it all, but sometimes it still all comes flooding back. Well done for being brave enough to write about these things. x
This is so amazing, everything you said clearly came from the heart!! You inspired me to write my own version of this post 🙂 You was much nicer than me haha! x
They took my clothes off, cursed on me, forbade me to speak, said “we are your friends because we feel sorry for you”, left me apart from everything, critizised every single damn thing. I’ve developed anxiety and obsessions. I feel that if I don’t pray or do something that my head tells me, somebody close to me will die. They have destroyed my life. I’ve been suffering this for 10 years. The mental problems began 3 years ago. I don’t even want to keep studying because over the years I’ve been always struggling and fighting and I’m tired of that. I’m tired of everything. A few minutes ago I would have told yoy twice what I’ve written here because of a major mental breakdown, but after reading your stort I’m just feeling stupid. Really stupid. I just explode. Every minimal thing. I’m a fucking bomb. Sorry
You have nothing to be sorry about and you are not stupid. I’m so so sorry that people have treated you that way, you don’t deserve that!