A while ago, I wrote a letter on my blog to my high school bullies.
Even if they would never read it, it was incredibly cathartic for me to write and put out there.
Lots of you actually emailed me to say you had been through the same, or were currently going through the same thing.
It was so genuinely nice to talk to people who have had similar experiences, as back then I couldn’t talk to anyone about it.
Today though, I want to reach out to those of you that are being bullied in school right now because I have something to share with you…
To the kids being bullied at school
The bullies at my school started teasing me very early, as early as primary school (I would have been around 6 when it started) and it continued into high school.
All of my bullies were different, I didn’t have just one group of bullies throughout my school days, it was several.
Due to that, I felt the things they were saying about me and things they were doing to me was justified.
I figured that if all these people think there’s something about me worth bullying, then it must be true because that many kids can’t be wrong.
Do you want to know the reasons they gave me for teasing me, calling me names and physically assaulting me?
I wore glasses
Speccy-four-eyes was a common ‘alternative name’ that I was given but the name calling didn’t bother me so much, it was the kids who took my glasses from my face and threw them around the class so I couldn’t see that pissed me off more than anything.
What happened a couple of years after I left school? Glasses became popular and hipster and every kid I went to school with started donning a pair of glasses with no prescription just to look “cool”.
I was a “Geek”
Apparently wearing glasses and being quiet made me a geek and even though, I’m probably more of a geek now, it was a bit of a silly thing to be picked on for.
Especially since Geek has now become a popular thing to want to be.
I blame Big Bang Theory and the very same hipster glasses look I mentioned above but every.fucking.stupid.kid that bullied me in high school now claims to be a “Geek” because they like marvel films, have read “all the harry potter films” or watch a BBC documentary now and again.
It’s quite interesting how so many of the people who picked on me, are desperate to be labelled a geek now.
I had black hair and pale skin
Yep. That got me bullied a lot actually, ’cause obviously having natural black hair and pale skin is creepy but having a dark tan and blonde hair is totally fucking normal for someone who lives in bloody North Wales!
I was called all sorts of shit for having black hair but in all honesty my favourite nickname was ‘Morticia’ because while my dearest bullies thought this was insulting, I took it as a compliment. Morticia is cool AF.
What happened just before I left school though? Oh yes. Black hair became popular and one of the girls who taunted me all through school decided to dye her hair black.
I had a “Satanic” music taste
This was pretty funny actually and by this point, I’d gotten to a place where I was able to laugh off a lot of things that were being said to me because at least I KNEW they were ridiculous.
I listened to rock and metal (still do) and back then, the kids at my high school just couldn’t wrap their head around it.
It was a non-school uniform day once and I was dressed in my baggy jeans and fish net gloves and one of the kids had heard I was going to a Linkin Park gig that night and tried to tell everyone I was a Satanist… proving they didn’t understand Satanism OR Linkin Park.
I mean, it was Linkin Park for flip sake. Imagine if they’d heard the rest of my favourite bands? I think if I’d played them Dimmu Borgir they would have shit themselves.
But true to fashion, who do I see posting RIP’s to Chester Bennington of Linkin Park a few weeks back? Yes, the kids who bullied me at school. Apparently they had been “long time fans”.
I was also told that I was ugly and fat but then the same guys that said those nasty things to me in high school, tried to hit on me a few years later!
The point I’m trying to make is, bullies will find ANY reason to hurt someone – It’s NOT YOU!
They just want someone to punish, it’s got nothing to do with who you are or what you look like and you’ll probably find out just like I did, that the same things you’re being bullied for, your bullies will end up doing or liking eventually anyway as soon as it becomes “mainstream”.
You’ll definitely find that the things you’re being bullied for, will be something that someone will ADORE you for one day.
Don’t give them the power that they desperately want by believing their bullshit because they don’t deserve it.
They don’t deserve to take away your self-esteem and your confidence because they won’t be in your lives forever but even if they are for some reason, one day you will be in a much better position than they will and you’ll realise that whatever they may have said to you in the past, holds no weight in the real world.
Do you know what I did to get back at them?
I made something of myself despite them. I became successful. I chose to be happy… and that is the best revenge you can ask for and soon, you’ll get to experience that. I just know it. So just tell them to go f**k themselves <3
Kel xx
I agree that bullies will find anything at all to pick on. Thanks for the post!
http://www.perplexingpurple.com
Great post on bullying. Very much enjoy your blog.
I adore you for writing this. I was bullied as a kid but I haven’t experienced it the way kids do now. Ive seen it affect nearly every aspect of life in many of the detained youth I’ve worked with. The pain they experience absolutely breaks my heart. And even though the bullies are causing that pain— they’re hurting too. Much of the time it’s a symptom of their own pain and lack of self-confidence. They hurt others in an attempt to avoid their own pain.
Thank you for writing this and letting all the kids who face this every day know they are not alone!
Ali
I think, even without any physical violence, bullying can be considered very harsh emotional abuse. It’s odd that I hear more discussions of how the abuse of older adults to those younger is scary, and that’s true, but people don’t realize how being bullied by younger people your age in high school or even before that can be just as severe. Kids can be very mean, and they’re not exactly always little angels much of the time. If you look up “scientific research on emotional abuse,” you’ll find that it is just or even potentially more abusive than physical abuse. There are physical abuse victims who say that they would rather be physically beaten up than be emotionally rejected by a family member, or a partner with their insults. It’s THAT bad.
Look up “signs of emotional abuse,” or “signs of gaslighting,” and you’ll find that a lot of what is seen as “normal school bullying,” is truly a sign of serious abuse. It’s just so normalized in society because it’s so common, and because of that, people tolerate it happening.
I might be called a naive idealist, but I have higher standards than what society thinks is “normal” around us. Just as not being normal isn’t necessarily bad, normal isn’t necessarily good. Things, beliefs and practices shouldn’t be immediately believed because they’re normal. Normal doesn’t mean kind. It doesn’t mean being a good person, and it sure doesn’t mean you’re happy either.